The GOOD...or I should say great, fabulous, wonderful, stupendous...occurrence that happened just tonight is that Lily pee-peed on the potty for the first time! We immediately ran out to the family room to tell Carl the great news, at which time he proceeded to do the best pee-pee potty victory dance I have ever seen. We definitely rocked the house tonight.
The BAD right now with Lily is that her biting habit continues and is frustrating me to no end. Here are a few things that I'm pretty confident about when it comes to Lily biting her peers:
- She definitely bites more when she's teething. Just tonight, Carl noticed a little blood when he helped her brush her teeth. We are waiting for the final four to poke through, and I really just wish it would happen already.
- Lily is definitely reacting to a "wrong" done to her, usually someone taking a toy, pushing her, etc.
- The biting tends to happen more toward the end of the day, possibly when she has lost her patience and sense of humor about these "wrongs"
Lily has bitten or attempted to bite Carl or me a few times, usually when she either overexcited or frustrated. We have the same reaction each time - a loud, firm "NO BITING!" followed by putting her down and walking away, at which time she falls to pieces and sobs. We typically let her cry it out (usually takes about 5-10 minutes for her to calm down) and then we reiterate "no biting", followed by some type of reassurance to signify that it's over and we're moving on.
At school, the teachers try to shadow her, but I am a practical person, and I know that it is not possible for one teacher in the room to have her right next to them for 9 hours straight. They always give a similar disciplinary response to biting as we do, and they have given her teething rings to chew on to try to deal with the teething issue, but still the biting persists.
I've read one book on biting (really more for early childhood educators than for parents), but I found it really unhelpful. I have also ordered some children's board books from Amazon that deal with the subject of biting, and they should be arriving any day. I really don't know what else to do. I know that it is a phase that she will grow out of, but it isn't fair to the other children in the room to have to endure this behavior until she outgrows it.
More frustrating than anything else is that I just don't understand it. She is one of the most, if not the most, verbal child in her class. Of course, we are still talking about 22-month-olds here, but still I don't know why she reacts by biting instead of verbalizing her disapproval or even choosing a different physical reaction. Most of the children at this age do their fair share of pushing, hitting and the like, but why did she decide that biting was a better option, or even an option at all? I can't explain it.
I've been telling my tale of woe to others, but I haven't had any solid advice yet. Most say that it is a phase, and I'll have to wait it out. I've had more than one person tell me that they bit their child back and their child never bit again, but anyone who knows me knows that this is not an option for me. If anyone out there has any advice, I'd love to know. I would try *almost* anything at this point.
2 comments:
Hmmm. I don't know much about early childhood behavior (certainly not nearly as much as you), but I wonder if there's a level of reasoning that needs to go on. Along the lines of positive reinforcement and suggestions of what is appropriate behavior. Maybe if her teachers catch her getting frustrated they can intervene and offer suggestions of ways to deal with that frustration before it turns in to biting. And if they see her getting frustrated and dealing with it in another way, they could praise her for it.
Kind of like dogs, there's quite a bit of guess work involved in why specifically she may be biting in any given situation, but if the repremanding and not giving attention isn't working, maybe it wouldn't hurt to try the tactic of asking why she bit, offering alternatives to biting, etc for awhile and see what happens.
I saw this list on the web and thought it might be some decent advice...
• Provide comfort for the wounded child by saying something like, “That really hurt! You don't like it when your friend bites your arm!”
• Calmly approach the child who bit. Many times these children feel overwhelmed and afraid after they bite. They need comfort, too.
• Comfort the child who bit by saying something like, “You seem sad that your friend's arm is hurt from the bite.”
• Help the child who bit to understand the hurt their friend is feeling by offering to let her talk with her friend. Say something like, “Would you like to see Sally now? You can tell her that you hope she feels better soon.” Older toddlers can learn a lot from being allowed to comfort their friend after a bite has occurred. The child who bit may want to see the injury. That's okay if the injured child wants to show it. But do not force either child to have this interaction, unless both are willing.
• Reinforce the rule that we don't hurt people. Help both children understand that your job is to keep everyone safe. Say, “I know you are angry. But I can't let you bite people.”
• When the environment is calm again, remind the children what they can do to assert themselves, like say “No! That's mine!” or “Back away!” or if they are preverbal, teach them to 'growl like a tiger' to express themselves. The goal is to teach assertiveness and communication skills to both the child who bites and the child who gets bitten.
Either way, it'll get better I'm sure. Maybe you could teach her to growl like Terra does when she's being disturbed. :-)
So I guess washing her mouth out with soap is out??? Does that rank up there with biting her back?!
Ha ha! :) Good luck, this is a tough one...
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