Reflections on a journey

Yesterday I learned the sad news that one of my college professors had passed away. This hit me harder than I expected and set my mind into an endless stream of thought which I feel compelled to share. Ron Miller was a Professor of Religion at Lake Forest College. He was also my Freshman Studies teacher and advisor. As a girl leaving home for the first time and not knowing a soul within 5 hours of my new town, I felt like a fish out of water. It was very difficult for me to get my bearings that first year, and more than once I seriously considered throwing in the towel and heading home. But with the help of some new friends and great classrooms experiences, I traversed the rough waters of the first few months and went on to years of smooth sailing with many, many happy memories. One of the people that helped me in those beginning months was Ron Miller. His advisory meetings were more like chat sessions with a great friend, truly invested in your well-being and happiness above all else. As a fellow St. Louis native, he was also my connection to my hometown.

He had an even more profound impact on me as a person through the teachings in his World Religions class. The statement that I remember the most from that class is, "You don't know any religion unless you know all religions". This was a game-changer for me in a way that I am just beginning to fully appreciate. You must understand that up until this point, I attended Catholic schools for 13 years straight. As a Sophomore in high school, one of my classmates told me that she was not Catholic. I laughed and gave her a playful nudge and then realized that she was serious. I actually did not know anyone to that point who was not Catholic. I had never once questioned my religion, and as I sat in that classroom my Freshman year of college, I realized that after 13 years of Catholic religion classes, I truly did not know my own religion.

Ron Miller was a great scholar of religions and an equally great teacher. He taught about the similarities and differences in religions in a way that even a naive 18-year-old could comprehend. Above all, he encouraged dialogue and discussion about religion in the hopes that knowledge would lead to understanding and discovery. He co-founded Common Ground, "a center for inquiry, study and dialogue". Whenever I see the bumper-sticker "coexist", I can't help but think of him.

As I stated before, Professor Miller's class was a game-changer for me. This, along with exposure to a much greater variety of people with various backgrounds and beliefs, as well as a hefty dose of Sociology/Anthropology classes (one of my majors in undergrad), made me question all that I knew to be an absolute truth. These influences set me on a path to discovering my own beliefs. A path which, although not easy and extremely uncomfortable at times, I am truly grateful for.

My journey ultimately led me to depart from organized religion. I realized that I could not be part of any organization that went against my core values. I could not be part of something that excluded individuals on the basis of their sexual orientation, did not see women as equally capable of leading and connecting to God, or thought that contraception was a bad idea. And while I addressed the religion I knew best, there are ideas in every religion that do not reflect my beliefs. I also could not bear to think of a "buffet-style" approach to religion in which I chose to adhere to some of the beliefs while turning a blind-eye to others. After much contemplation on this issue, I discovered that spirituality for me, in its truest form, is being a humanitarian. The idea that we should treat one another with dignity, love and respect, not because we fear punishment from our Father or we may not be rewarded with eternal happiness, but because we know in our hearts that it is the right thing to do.

I have never been able to discuss this journey or my beliefs with anyone other than Carl. The fear that I would offend my friends and family weighed so heavily on me that I've avoided this subject as best as I could for many years. I did not know how to explain my choice while trying to show that I also respect everyone for the choices they have made in their lives. I fully realize that this is my journey and my conclusions, but I would never be so brazen to suggest that others should believe anything other than what they feel in their hearts is right and true for them. I know that I don't need to explain this decision, but I have truly wanted to for so long. I suppose thinking about my former professor and his teachings made me hope that with knowledge, there could be understanding.