Friends

Lily with her new gal pal

Today we had a playdate with one of the new WUMCHA members and her daughter who is turning four in October. We had met them at a previous playgroup at Faust Park, and the girls took to each other immediately. When they had to part after knowing each other for all of an hour and a half, there was such drama and sadness (along with copious hugging and kissing) that we knew we had to get them together again soon.

So they came over to our house today. A good part of the time was spent building dams, building castles and knocking them down, singing, playing hide and seek or tag, giggling and hiding under the covers after going on bear hunts, making a circus with the play animals, running from the monster (Terra or her friend's little brother), and chatting over a snack.

The other part of the time was pure drama - all from Lily's end. If her friend tried to tell Lily how to do something or told her not to do something, she just did not react well. In one instance, Lily went to her room, slammed and locked the door and screamed that she wanted everyone out of her house and didn't want anyone playing with her toys. While they were playing with blocks, Lily told her friend that they were going to be "mean girls". When I told her that we don't even pretend to be mean, she looked at her friend and said, "Let's not talk to her" (referring to me). As they were leaving, Lily climbed into her friend's van and picked something up. Her friend told Lily that it wasn't hers, and Lily responded by saying that she knew that and if her friend said it again, she would be in jail.

I don't even know where to begin with all of this. I was so embarrassed that my daughter acted this way while her friend was absolutely as nice as could be. I had to call Carl immediately and hash it out a bit. We discussed several things starting with some territorial issues that have come up with the baby on the way - she already made and posted a "Keep Out" sign on her door in anticipation of the baby's arrival (this is from a Max & Ruby episode, by the way). Also, it was 1:30 by the time her friend left so they had been playing together for 3 hours, and Lily woke up early this morning so I know that there was some tiredness there. In addition, we recently went to a playgroup where another little girl was mean to Lily so there was some modeling there, and I know it really affected her because she still talks about it. But all these factors really just add up to excuses for poor behavior, and I'm not into excuses.

Although Lily's behavior is mostly wonderful, she has a sensitivity issue that causes her to react really badly sometimes. She gets her "feelings hurt" (as she says) when another child (and sometimes even an adult) tries to tell her how to do something or corrects her in any way. I swear it's as though she views these things as insulting to her intelligence, and she has no patience for it. It's ironic that this comes the day after we had a preschool screening done, and she excelled - in a big way - in every single area (including social skills) to the point that the screener said that she just had to write in the report that Lily is a "teacher's dream". I couldn't help but wonder what she would think of Lily's nightmarish behaviors today.

When considering all of this, part of me feels incredibly guilty because I think that maybe her behavior with peers has declined since taking her out of school. Maybe because she does not have to share or function in a group setting on a daily basis, she is losing these skills. The other part of me thinks maybe I'm blowing this way out of proportion. Maybe she just had a bad day for whatever reason. We all have those days, right? Or maybe she's just a typical three-year-old girl who needs guidance and direction when it comes to social behavior. Luckily, her friend's mom took it all in stride and didn't seem put off at all. She even offered to host the next playdate.

All I do know is that Lily tends to make friends very easily and is usually very sweet and kind and caring. I just want her to continue to able to make and keep friends by being a good friend. Unfortunately, I know that this is only going to get worse as she gets older and relationships become much more complex, especially among young girls. I just want to get her going down the right path now so she makes good decisions in the future.

Lily will see her friend again tomorrow at a Monkey Joe's playgroup meeting so we'll see if the neutral territory makes any difference. Truthfully I know that, in part, I want this to work out because it is hard to find a girl Lily's age that is so nice, whose mom I really like, and stays at home as well. Cut me a break, Lily! :)