The very rare Kathleen update

I guess that I'm so caught up in Lily that I rarely have the desire to update about anything else but her, but today I will. Look out.

In regard to job-searching, I've been dragging my feet a little. I feel somewhat like a new college graduate, figuring out what I want to do with my life. But, I'm not. I'm at a point in life that I should be looking to further my career, add some stellar new job to my resume, increase responsibility/pay/whatever. But, sadly, I really find myself wanting the opposite. I don't want to supervise anyone, I don't want to be the one calling the shots, I simply don't want the worry. I want to do my job to the best of my abilities but have my mental/physical energy readily available for my family at the end of the night. I did love my last job, but I did not love getting home at 6:30 and did not like the (few but unceasing) pain-in-the-butt parents. Some parents were just incredibly unrealistic with their expectations - always the parents who ironically could never handle staying at home with their own children (and they knew it). But, I'm not new to this game, and I know there will always be some aspect of your job that is not perfect. My last job had very, very minor flaws so I'm hoping to be as lucky this time around. The only thing that I know is that I want to stay within the field of education; in what capacity, I'm not sure.

The only other prominent issue right now is the extremely depressing delay in adding to our family. We decided that we would start trying again when Lily turned two (in November). Some very baffling medical issues on my part and then the miscarriage has left us in absolute wonder. I'm quite aware that 8 months is not a long time to be "trying", and it often takes couples a year or more. (Just as an fyi: that fact does not comfort anyone who is trying to conceive without success.) Needless to say, this has been a long 8 months. We have had much, much happiness in that time, but for me, it has come with a little cloud on the side. The fact that we conceived Lily without problem and had as normal a pregnancy as anyone could hope for makes the doctors completely unworried (in addition to other tests that did not show cause for worry). Although this is good, it is frustrating to not be able to do anything about our situation. We already tried some drugs to help, but after the miscarriage, I just don't have it in me to continue with them right now for many reasons. So here we are. Many people say it has to do with the changes and stress in our lives, but it is hard for me to believe. I think most people would agree that I am a pretty even-tempered person. I don't get riled easily, and I'm pretty aware of my emotional state. Honestly, the only real stress right now (besides the small stress of finding a job) is the baby issue. So, we have no choice but to continue to wait. There is little solace in that. The whole "it'll happen when it is meant to happen" thing doesn't help either. It can be a pretty all-consuming issue if you let it. It hasn't gotten to that extreme, mostly due to the fact that I am distracted with our amazing, precious daughter, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. The only positive thing that I can say is that I have gained an understanding of the issue that allows me to really and truly empathize with other people that are going through/have gone through similar issues, and I do find value in that.